A few months ago I shared our experience with infertility here on the blog. I have been so encouraged by faith and others throughout this time and am forever grateful for that. My goal is to encourage others to see the positives in whatever challenge is in front of them and continue to push through the tough time. I don’t know the reason that Wiley and I have been called to wait for a baby but we have and because I am in the journey, I must find the joys in the moment and be thankful. Every day, I find things that would not happen if I were not waiting for a baby and for those things, I am thankful. Every single person in our lives and in our surroundings is suffering with something. Sometimes, it’s something very small that the outside world may never know and sometimes it is a greater struggle that is visible every time that person encounters another. What is important is that we don’t allow our worries, stress, or negative thoughts to consume us. Over the past two years, six weeks, and two days I have prayed about, talked about, and thought about the fact that I will not let this struggle define me or consume me. It is something that I am called to do for the glory of God and here I am, doing it! Through every season of life, my husband and I have made it our goal to make the best out of what we are given and to live just as though life were perfect.
Since I last shared, Wiley and I have had countless doctor’s visits leading to some resolutions but mostly ones that left us confused and feeling completely lost. To shorten and lengthy story, my mom has a disease called Cystic Fibrosis. It is a chromosomal disease which means when she had a baby (me) she passed along the CF gene. I am so fortunate to not have the disease but am a carrier for it. Several months ago our doctors suggested that we get Wiley tested for CF because if he is a carrier as well, it would be very likely that we would have a baby with the disease. We did that test, the results came back and thankfully, Wiley is not a carrier for the disease! YAY! In addition, I have had blood work done monthly, an HSG (x-ray) test, a sperm anti-body test, an egg count test, taken two different medications for three months at a time (6 months total), injected one trigger shot and weekly ultrasounds all that have said “there is no reason you shouldn’t have a baby” except for a few ultrasounds. Who ever knew there could be so many things to test for?! The ultrasounds that show some concern have shown some unknown fluid in my uterus that really can’t be “diagnosed” without a laparoscopic surgery. So this Thursday, two days from now, I will have surgery to look inside and to, hopefully, remove the fluid that could be causing the problem.
The moment that the doctor first mentioned surgery, I thought “me? have surgery? for what? I’m super healthy and there’s no way anything could be wrong!” Well, when it comes to the reproductive system, physical health plays a very small role. So, after a lot of thought and prayer I’m going in for the procedure. I feel peaceful about it and am confident that the doctors will help us find a solution.
Throughout this experience I have learned that there is a little piece of joy in every step of the journey, I just have to find it. I’m not exaggerating when I say, every single day I wake up, look at the sun coming through the windows and thank the Lord for another day that I get to live and be happy. No matter what the struggle, because each day brings another struggle in addition to seeking pregnancy, I must be thankful. Experiences such as this give us a first hand look at what it’s like to walk into the unknown scared and afraid but if we look at that time with gratitude the outcome will be so much more worth the struggle. To me, the GREATEST joy in this whole wide world is having a baby, a child that I can raise up in the ways of the Lord. But I don’t have that joy right now so I have to think “what else gives me joy?” My husband, he brings me so much joy and our relationship has naturally been so strengthened during this time. The sun, being outside, tender relationships, cooking, exercising, quality time, traveling, and laughter bring me the purist joy.
I am able to sit here and write about this not because I feel like I need the world to know my weakness but because I have been given the opportunity to tell a story of hardship and can honestly say that I am happy. When we allow the weight of the world, whatever it may be in anyone’s situation, to take over we loose what we are meant for. We are meant to live and to live well. We are meant to have joy!