Today I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and hit the reset button. If you read my last post, you know that life for me hasn’t been quite “normal” in a while and since I wrote that, even more bumps in the road have come along. But earlier today, after weeks of overwhelming amounts of stress, I decided that life is going to go on and I have to make the very best of it.
Two weeks ago, Wiley and I decided to take a long weekend and go home to see the people we love and to visit the place that makes our heart full. We spent 3 long days by the ocean and tried to leave all of our worries behind (easier said than done). We put a stop on all house projects, packed the car and left. Tootsie (our dog) was having more and more seizures and was showing increasing signs of a neurological issue. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been around an animal or a human that has seizures but let me tell you, it’s awful! The doctors finally put her on a new medication to help with the seizures so that she would be stable while we were away.
We drove to the coast of North Carolina and prayed that we would enjoy each second. While at the beach, we were also in the middle of fertility treatment. This month we did IUI with injectables so the shots came with us. We were excited and slightly nervous about this because this course was one that we hadn’t tried before. We still don’t know if it worked, but we are hopeful. Tootsie didn’t seem much better so we drove back to Nashville with the hope that we would find answers soon. That Wednesday she had a series of seizures that caused her to stop breathing. She was rushed to the hospital and put in the ICU until she was stable and we scheduled an emergency MRI in Knoxville on Thursday. We picked her up from the hospital at 6:00 am Thursday morning and made the anxious drive to see the neurologist of the University of Tennessee Vet Hospital. After hours of waiting, the doctor called us into a room with the look of defeat on her face. That day we found out that our baby girl has a brain tumor, we felt numb and overwhelmed, never did we think this would happen to her. We drove back to Nashville in silence and tears, trying to process the news. The days since haven’t been easy.
The next day, we had to go to our scheduled IUI appointment but really had no desire to do so. This week, we had to rush Tootsie to the ICU again and in a panic, didn’t have time to put our chickens away in the fence and one of them (Rosemary) was run over. I’m sparing you some details but explaining all of this because I think we go through life thinking we know what God’s plan is when we really have no idea. I have thought to myself “He will make us pregnant by Christmas so we can tell our family” or “I will have the opportunity to do ____ so that ____ will happen.” We think we know but He is in control and knows way better than we do. I think it is in our nature to plan life as we think it should unfold but if you ask anyone, it never does. So in the midst of all of these changes and struggles in our lives, I take deep breaths and realize, this is life as it should be.
He has made everything beautiful in it’s own time,
so even though the only baby we’ve ever had now has cancer, we don’t have a real baby yet and sometimes I feel like I’m struggling to stay afloat, He has a plan. I think it’s important that we don’t allow these struggles to take over. We have to be strong and persevere because there are always good days and there are always not-so-good days but life is good and it is just as it should be.